||: Shoulda Woulda Coulda

||: I always wanted to be someone who never regretted anything, but there came a point in time when I wanted to quit med school (8 months before I was about to graduate) because the trade-offs were so much for me. The last straw was losing who, at that time, was the most important person in my life. What I thought would never end ended 6 years too soon… partly because I was pursuing something else — a dream, which I thought was OURS and not just MINE.

||: Recalling the incidents always make me feel the emotions just like how I felt them the first time. I often wish it were like morphine for which you build tolerance to and increase your threshold for. But pain always stung as if it knew I’d sting right there.

||: Anyway, enough of sad stories. I actually posted this note just to share this wonderful song that I feel captured what I felt at that time. I first heard this song when I was in my second year in med school. I liked the song so much, but I never thought I’d like it for yet another (sad) reason. The song is Shoulda Woulda Coulda by Beverly Knight and it talks about the regrets of a person for putting aside and eventually losing someone because the person was busy loving something (not someone) else. Although in my case, the "putting aside" was not by choice but was dictated by circumstance, by gist they’re the same… the clincher (as best stated by the last line of the song) remains to be "I can’t change your mind…"

||: Enough said, here’s the story (or lyrics), read on (or sing along)…

People say that together we were both sides of the same coin

That we would shine like Venus in a clear night sky

We thought our love could overcome the circumstances

But my ambition wouldn’t allow for compromise

I could see in the distance all the dreams that were clear to me

Every choice I had to make left you on your own

Somehow the road we started down had split asunder

Too late to realise how far apart we’d grown

How I wish I, wish I’d done a little bit more

Now "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" means I’m out of time

Coz "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" can’t change your mind

And I wonder, wonder what I’m gonna do

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda" are the last words of a fool

People ask how it feels to live the kind of life others dream about

I tell them everybody gotta face their highs and their lows

And in my life there’s a love that I put aside

Cause I was busy loving something else

So for every little thing you hold on to, you’ve got to let something else go

How I wish I, wish I’d done a little bit more

Now "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" means I’m out of time

Coz "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" can’t change your mind

And I wonder, wonder what I’m gonna do

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda" are the last words of a fool

If I would now forsake the opportunities are fate

I know I’m right where I belong

But sometimes when I’m not that strong

How I wish I, wish I’d done a little bit more

Now "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" means I’m out of time

Coz "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" can’t change your mind

And I wonder, wonder what I’m gonna do

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda" are the last words of a fool

I can’t change your mind…